Phase 1 of NZ

Hey guys I thought I would just give you a quick update about my time so far in New Zealand.  

Well first off it didn’t even feel like I was back in Canada, it was such a quick whirlwind visit and for all of you that I didn’t get to see, I will be back soon and look forward to catching up, and those that I did get to see, I look forward to seeing you again.

All those of you who have been to New Zealand and have told me that I would love it here, you were right.  I LOVE NZ.  I have had such and awesome, restful, fun, memory filled and blessed time my first month here.  I had the blessing and privilege of travelling around with a good friend, who took time off work and took me all around the North Island.  I have also been blessed by his amazing friends and family who have taken me in and have blessed me and made me feel at home.  (I am currently at his parents house, getting in some rest and relaxation before my school starts tomorrow).  I did have just over a week to travel the South Island by myself.  The South Island was so beautiful and well I had an amazing experience, knocked a couple things off my bucket list and learned so much.

I have been super blessed my first month here in NZ and it has been just what my soul, heart and spirit needed.  I have had lots of time to seek God and see what He has for me this coming year and what He wants me to learn.  He has already showed me so much and has taught me so much in just this short time that has me me so excited to see what He is going to show me throughout this year and in my leadership course.  

So far He has shown me that I still live with a lot of fear in my life, fear in what is to come, fear in how everything is going to work out, fear in if its going to work out.  Fear that He only has second best for me and that His plans and His will won’t be good, pleasing and perfect, fear that His plans aren’t to give me hope and a future.  He showed me that I often come to Him with my hands clenched, so scared to let go and TRUST Him.  That I don’t trust Him with how all things camp related are going to turn out, that I don’t trust Him on how my future is going to work out.  

But He has also showed me how much rest there is in letting go, in opening up my hands and trusting Him, how much rest there is in knowing that I don’t have to know how it’s all going to work out, that I don’t have to know how it’s all going to come together or if it even makes sense, because He does, He knows.  He has it all figured out and I can just let go and rest and trust in Him, I can be STILL and know that He is God.

He has also been bringing me back to the verse in 1 John 4,  that there is NO fear in love and that PERFECT LOVE casts out FEAR.  He has shown me that He loves me so perfectly and so intensely and in that perfect love there is no room for fear.  And I know that He has some pretty crazy, awesome, adventure filled plans for my life and in HIs perfect love and in HIs perfect time, He will show me and guide me and all the unknowns will just fall into place.

I was going through my journal the other day and just reading back and thinking back and being so thankful that I have written these things down… My journal is often filled with a lot of how’s and why’s and lot’s and lot’s of questions and fears amongst tear stained pages, but God has always, always come through.  ALWAYS…most of the time it  wasn’t the way I expected or wanted but it has ALWAYS, always been so much better than I could of imagined.

 There is a song that I often listen to on repeat when I have my little freak outs and one line says “I abandon my addiction to the certainty of life and my need to know everything”

So this year (it will probably be an ongoing journey)  I am going to work on surrendering my need to know how everything is going to work out, cause it is just so exhausting, and working on resting and trusting in His perfect love and in His perfect plans in His perfect timing.